We all have something in mind that we want people to see us as. Rather if its the happy-go-lucky person with always a smile on, the beautiful smart girl who has everything together, or the jock that has all the ladies laying on them. But when it all boils down to reality, we all know that these things are only lables. The lables are our identity, but behind closed doors we all know what we truly face. Nobody ever really talks about who they truly are behind those closed doors in fear that nobody would ever understand. When in reality, all of us have been there at some point in our lives or will in the future.

Everyday we are surrounded by expectations. We have a checklist of acts we need to have crossed off by the end of the night to reassure ourselves that we have yet again fooled the world of being someone we are not. That checklist is nothing but an open wound being ripped open day after day. A wound that can only be healed by honesty. But the amount honesty are you willing to let out is how much your wound is able to heal. Its much easier to be the same person day after day, than to face a trial in life and being willing to admit you are falling apart. I beleive that sometimes the true issue is not being honest with ourselves. We can tell ourselves we are ok, than we can tell the people around us we are ok too.

As soon as we start to be honest with ourselves, making ourselves realize how much we truly are falling apart, than the truth begins to slip out to others. When that slips, it feels as though everything slips. However we should not be so afraid of slipping up, we should not be afraid of telling our friends that we are falling apart and that we need help. Should you tell everyone you know and make it this huge public issue, of course not but you should never be afraid of telling a close friend or two that your not ok.

But now this idea of looking perfect has become a huge issue. Everyone puts off this idea of being ok, so then everyone is afraid of showing they are hurting. They look at someone and think “well they have it all together so I cant let it out that I don’t”. When in fact that person most likely does not have it all together. Everyone is human and everyone has there times of pain. We need to open up and let people in, tell them your hurting. Once you do that everything will begin to change for the better.

It is time to forget about this checklist, take a few deep breaths and throw the fear aside. Lets be real here…no ones life is perfect.

I just created a twitter account, the username is “listeningislove”. So feel free to follow =]

ripped up, cut up, cut down

you look me in the eyes as if you care, nothing will ever cover this shame

knives are easier, saftey pins mask it all

a line of regret, sorrow, im bewept because of you

stop, halt, listen…there is a call

lift your head up to the stars and make a wish

cornered no longer, a sigh of remorse

let her kiss your scars

they tell a beautiful story

I felt like I was drifting away from God. He is always the one that holds me up. And to lose something that gave me so much hope, started to flip my life around for the worse. But I still prayed for help, some sort of answer and support.

Thats when she came into my life. A night at church God told me to talk to her about my issue. I didn’t really understand, but I figured it would be worth it if she really could help me. This all ended up sitting at borders for 4 hours just talking about cutting and how it made me feel, and how broken I really am. And for once in my life, I could hear someone say “I know how you feel”. And for some reason, that was one of the most comforting things to hear. I knew at that point that I did not have to fight this alone.

I am now 25 days clean from cutting.

That may not seem like a long time, but let me tell you, it’s one of the biggest battles I have ever had to face. 25 days of victory that I will never lose. And I’m still counting.

I had a dream the other night that I was with some people that brought me down and got me in a lot of trouble. It was later that I found out they were demons and sent by Satan himself. Put in my life to tear me down. I decided to leave them. They became angry and were looking all over for me, but they looked right into my eyes and did not see me. I looked down at my wrist and saw every cut I had ever made. The blood was everywhere and I cried because I thought I would never have to see that again in my life. I looked up and saw Jesus standing in front of me. He grabbed my arm and said “you are healed”. And as he let go, no marks remained.

I woke up with the most hopeful heart. And haven’t lost it yet. I don’t plan on ever losing it.

But that is who I was, and because of the grace of my loving savior Jesus Christ I haven’t cut myself for over three years now. This is the thing with our society today, we believe that things like this, things like cutting are just normal, that they are phases in peoples lives that they will overcome. You go into stores today like Hot Topic and they actually sell bracelets with razor blades on them, because society thinks that these problems we face aren’t problems. But let me tell you that society is so wrong and so deceived by the devil because cutting isn’t just a “phase” but it’s a serious addition straight from the pit of hell.

Everyday is a battle. It’s a battle between you and fighting against the lifestyle that society tells us to live. Battles are fought with swords and a sheild, but every once in a while we need to remember where our strength roots from, where we stand in this life.

I heard a quote once that really hit home for me. “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything”. But have you ever realized that if all we stand for is ourselves than we tend to fall even more?

Loving yourself is important. Loving the world is the next step. People say that money makes the world go round. What about love? Love is something that can’t be bought, love cannot be measured, love cannot be zipped up in your wallet or thrown into a bank account for later spending. Love is always present. Love is something that every person needs to survive. Love brings hope. Without love we feel broken. I have people tell me that they don’t feel loved by the world. I can’t help but think that is because they don’t love the world, it’s love that makes the world go round.

Imagine the world without love.

I just sat here for a good 5 minutes trying to imagine…I can’t. I can’t even begin to fathom.

So it starts with you. What are you going to do to show at least that one person love? I hear people tell me that they want to commit suicide because they don’t have love. You never know what people are going through and what they face after they take off their mask behind closed doors. They may be facing suicide thoughts because the lack of love.

You could be that one person to show them love. That one person to save their live.

Save a life. Love.