My dad used drugs when I was a baby. When he was on them he would get so paranoid that he would wake me up from a dead sleep or wake my mom up and make her stay up with him all night and then go to work the next morning. Finally my mom got sick of it all and my mom and dad started yelling and fighting, me sitting right there on the bed having to listen to it all. I remember screaming and crying at the top of my lungs (I was 3 years old at this point). My mom picked me up and took me to my room and told me everything would be okay (the only way I know this is my grandma told me).

My mom decided to divorce my dad when I was 3. My mom picked me up to leave; everything was already in the van. Momma was putting me in my car seat, she shut the van door, I looked out the window at my dad standing in the door way. I really didn’t know what was going on at that moment. I was around 4 to 6 years old when my mom tried to start dating again, but my dad would threaten who ever my mom was dating and scare them off. My mom just gave up. So my mom raised me on her own. I was always the wild child and as I got older I got into more trouble. My mom couldn’t always watch me and know where I was at all times. So when I hit 14 years old I started doing things I never done before, things I never thought I would do. It started to get bad. I started one thing then I would go to another. My mom started asking questions and I started lying to her about every thing I lied to everyone saving my own butt so I wouldn’t get in trouble. Started skipping out on my friends, lying to my friends, lying to my family, staying mad , and getting all defensive when some one would ask me a question.

Then 2 months before I turned 15 I got questioned by a cop about my dad when my mom was gone. He was asking me have you heard from your dad. Has he tried to contact you and a whole bunch of other things? And when he got done asking me questions I asked him what this was all about and he was like your dad has been asking child support agents a bunch about you and asking if there is a way he can get you all the time. I told my mom that she broke down in tears, all she said was, “NO!!!!!! He can’t get you. He can’t, he can’t. The only reason he wants to get you is for his own personal gain. He is only going to use you.”

My mom went in to a mental melt down. She stayed scared all the time that my dad was going to show up and take me. This lasted about 5 months and finally my mom clammed down a little but she was still worried. I prayed to God that he would help me and my family get through everything that gets in our way. Things started getting better then my 16th birthday came and he called telling me he loved me and he was sorry singing happy birthday and all. It’s been almost 4 months and hasn’t heard from him but I know in my heart he will call or show up just to make everything worse again. I stay scared all the time but I never let any one know it. So please pray for me and that everything will be okay.

I hate staying scared.