After my father died it was hard to hold things together. The pain was too much to handle, the agony and pain of remembering but not having him there was too much for me to grasp. Cutting came back into my life. It’s like a drug for me. It gets me away from reality for just a few mintues. You may say that it doesn’t sound worth it. But trust me. It felt like it at the time.

I felt like I was drifting away from God. He is always the one that holds me up. And to lose something that gave me so much hope, started to flip my life around for the worse. But I still prayed for help, some sort of answer and support.

Thats when she came into my life. A night at church God told me to talk to her about my issue. I didn’t really understand, but I figured it would be worth it if she really could help me. This all ended up sitting at borders for 4 hours just talking about cutting and how it made me feel, and how broken I really am. And for once in my life, I could hear someone say “I know how you feel”. And for some reason, that was one of the most comforting things to hear. I knew at that point that I did not have to fight this alone.

I am now 25 days clean from cutting.

That may not seem like a long time, but let me tell you, it’s one of the biggest battles I have ever had to face. 25 days of victory that I will never lose. And I’m still counting.

I had a dream the other night that I was with some people that brought me down and got me in a lot of trouble. It was later that I found out they were demons and sent by Satan himself. Put in my life to tear me down. I decided to leave them. They became angry and were looking all over for me, but they looked right into my eyes and did not see me. I looked down at my wrist and saw every cut I had ever made. The blood was everywhere and I cried because I thought I would never have to see that again in my life. I looked up and saw Jesus standing in front of me. He grabbed my arm and said “you are healed”. And as he let go, no marks remained.

I woke up with the most hopeful heart. And haven’t lost it yet. I don’t plan on ever losing it.