Hope Is Real
Listening Is The Language Of Love

People looked at me and thought I had it all together. From the outside my life seemed great, I had a lot of friends, a normal family, and I always had a smile on my face. However what people didn’t know is that I was broken on the inside, I had so much hurt and pain that I didn’t know what to do. Then I found what I thought was the answer to all my hurt, cutting. It seemed to be the perfect solution because I could be in complete control with cutting. If someone hurt me emotionally I couldn’t make it stop hurting, but if I cut myself I would be physically hurting and for myself it was easier to deal with physical pain then emotional pain. With cutting I was in control, I could control how much it hurt, how much it bled, and how long it lasted. But then it became an addiction in my life, and it literally took control of my life. I couldn’t go a few days without cutting, and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried to stop I would always fall right back into it. I was so addicted to cutting that I even did it in school. I will never forget it was my sophomore year of high school and I was sitting in my fourth hour chemistry class. One of my friends had really hurt my earlier in the day and all I wanted to do was cut. I remember looking down and I had a safety pin on my shirt, and the minute I saw it I got so happy. I took that safety pin in my right hand and I just began to dig into my left arm right there in the middle of class. I was so use to the feeling of cutting that it didn’t even hurt, but sadly I felt relief I felt like everything was going to be ok. And I sat there for that entire class period rocking back and forth in my chair with my arm under my desk just cutting into my arm and just watching it bleed.

But that is who I was, and because of the grace of my loving savior Jesus Christ I haven’t cut myself for over three years now. This is the thing with our society today, we believe that things like this, things like cutting are just normal, that they are phases in peoples lives that they will overcome. You go into stores today like Hot Topic and they actually sell bracelets with razor blades on them, because society thinks that these problems we face aren’t problems. But let me tell you that society is so wrong and so deceived by the devil because cutting isn’t just a “phase” but it’s a serious addition straight from the pit of hell.